The Art of Letting Go

2021 was a kaleidoscope of experiences and emotions - many of which were unexpected and challenging but have spurred reflection and personal growth. Perhaps the strongest theme that has emerged from this past year, for me, is the importance of letting go.

Humans are prone to inertia: we cling to stability, constantly striving for homeostasis. The prospect of change often induces anxiety, as with the future lies a gnawing uncertainty. Present stagnation provides comfort. It is familiar. It is safe. Any change could be a change for the worse. We reminisce on and idealize the past; embrace the familiar; and question the future.

When our lifestyle undergoes radical change, we become disoriented - uncertain how to proceed, what behaviors are appropriate, how to contextualize ourselves in this new and foreign environment. As our environment and behaviors shift, we feel our identity dissolve to some extent - who are we if not the summation of our behaviors and interactions with the outside world? There is no self without an other; and must change in the other produce equivalent change in the self? The transient nature of our identity can be both unsettling and liberating. While we cannot rely on an enduring, singular self, we have the capability to determine who we are and what we become. We need not cement ourselves in toxic traits and bad behaviors; we can transcend our vices and cultivate our virtues. And when we encounter unruly circumstances, we can always control our attitude toward them.

The tendency to grasp the familiar can hinder our ability to release habitual behaviors and thoughts; similarly, we struggle when familiar faces exit our lives. We mourn the loss, perseverate on what happened and what could have been. We realize that, sadly, we take people’s existence in our lives for granted. We forget that relationships in our lives are no less transient than our identities and our environments. It is only when grief strikes that we regret this careless mindset, lamenting that we failed to cherish every moment in the present. Left with mere memories, we reflect on words unsaid and feelings masked. Grief is understandable; but we must eventually learn to let go. We must reframe the memories and accept the inevitable - the past has passed, and we must learn from our regrets to create a better future. Perseverating beyond the point of productivity simply erodes our wellbeing. We must let go.

Sometimes letting go of oneself can be equally as challenging as letting go of others. It is both a gift and a curse for humans to have self-control. We can resist temptation, delay gratification, and modulate our behaviors to adapt to our social milieu. However, at its extreme lie the self-control freaks who fear releasing their inhibitions. Highly conscientious and self-conscious, they grapple with letting go - with not caring about how they are perceived by others, with indulging the smallest impulse, with simply having “fun.” Yet the fleeting nature of our lives and identities only reinforces that we should be wary of taking ourselves too seriously. We must not imprison ourselves with chronic inhibition and second thoughts; sometimes, to truly care for ourselves, we must learn to care less.

Letting go, in its many forms, fundamentally resides in our mind as a psychological phenomenon. And it is ultimately ourselves who must decide to let go - we are the arbiters of our own existence.

“'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.” -Oscar Wilde